


Your Blood Knows the Way

by serohtonin



Series: The Long Grift [3]
Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Beards (Relationships), Closeted Character, Hand Jobs, Light Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Phone Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 09:54:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4430795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serohtonin/pseuds/serohtonin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darren tries to hold onto Chris from half a world away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Blood Knows the Way

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't claim any of the relationships depicted herein or the description of Darren's sexuality to be the truth. Though some of the events actually took place, the plotline is completely a product of my imagination. Title taken from a lyric in ["Midnight Radio"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39HYIS2dgNg) from Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Darren actually starts to nod off during the flight, his boring, vapid female companion rambling on next to him about how awesome this trip will be.

All he can think about is what Chris might be doing without him and how this trip will be nothing but work. Yes, he'll get to talk to locals and act for a director who's won a fucking Oscar but he'll have to do most of it with her and his goddamn manager hovering over him.

He still hasn't told them that he's back together with Chris or that at least the potential is there. He's glad they left each other on good terms, though he doesn't know what it means for his relationships, or lack thereof, with everyone else. 

He sighs and blinks awake, checking his phone now that the plane is taxiing.

He sends a text to Chris:

_I miss you already. <3_

Two minutes later, there's a reply: 

_I miss you too. How was your flight?_

_Exhausting,_ Darren answers, his "girlfriend" snoring next to him. _Yours?_

Chris responds with:

_Ugh I bet. Mine was boring. I wish you were here. You should come back to L.A. one day._

Darren debates on what to say and decides to tell him that it's not out of the realm of possibilities.

Chris gives him a smiley emoticon back, making his heart ache with want because Chris has never been an emoticon kind of guy.

Maybe they can both change.

He grins but it quickly falls away as he looks next to him and remembers what he’ll soon have to withstand. It's time to put the show face back on.

There are people at the tiny airport taking pictures of his arrival, his lady friend and manager in tow. He knows that not all of them are awestruck fans sneaking a glimpse of him but rather local media awaiting the pay day they'll get just for snapping his picture. He smiles anyway, letting Mia walk in front of him and his manager behind, careful to barely touch them. The wrongness of it all twists in his gut and when the questions are bombarded at him, the only answer he gives is that he's so tired.

He really is physically tired from barely sleeping last night, between the whirlwind end of his Broadway run and the drawn out fight with Chris that surprisingly ended with him naked in Chris' embrace. But he's also tired of this spectacle that his life has become and that everyone suddenly cares where he is and who he's with when he's just trying to go to work.

Still, he nods and thanks everyone who came out to see him as he rushes to his car. He lets out a heavy exhale, his shoulders slumping as they hit the seat.

He feels a hand rubbing at his shoulder and avoids the reflex to recoil away from it. 

The girl asks if he's okay and for once, he's not sure how to answer. He decides to stay silent, waiting for her to get the message until she lets go of him and crosses her arms with a frown.

His manager tells him that he was amazing and handled that event like a pro, as if his safe arrival and subsequent sighting is all part of his purpose for being here. Sadly, it is but when his manager uses that word, _pro,_ he can't help thinking of another meaning for that abbreviation: prostitute. He's back to whoring himself out for fame that he doesn't even want, simply to stay relevant in this game called the entertainment industry.

He hates this part and he can't do it anymore, not when it takes him further away from the one person who actually has real feelings for him. He's fought so hard to get Chris back and he can't let that slip away again, but when he reveals to his inner circle that he has a chance with Chris, he needs to be somewhere better than in the middle of a public ride to a fancy hotel.

He will tell them soon; he _has_ to. 

First, there's a delicate balance to maintain. They stop at the hotel and he lets the driver and various hotel employees grab his bags. He wants to keep his eyes open in wonder, not lost on how lucky he is to visit this beautiful country again, let alone to be working here. Yet he keeps picturing Chris' resigned, miserable face as he left Darren's apartment.

It only gets worse when he settles in his room, a separate but still adjoining one from Mia, and then there's a notification lighting up his phone.

It's a message from Chris that reads:

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

His stomach drops as he realizes that Chris must have already seen the pictures of his airport arrival. Suddenly he wants to go back to this perfect morning, with Chris sated and sweaty underneath him on his New York sofa, the rest of the world a distant and nebulous dream.

Then he remembers Chris' situation with his boyfriend and wants to shoot back at him for behaving like a goddamn hypocrite.

So he types back:

_How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? You know I don't love her. Do you love him?_

He sits on his bed, unable to do anything but anxiously await an answer.

Several long moments later, he looks down, his heart in his throat as he reads his phone.

_It's complicated. You were gone. Life doesn't stop, Darren._

With that, Darren thinks of Chris clutching another man's hand, that toothy grin meeting someone else's eyes, and Chris' cold feet brushing against someone else's ankles as they lay together at night. He instantly regrets every misinformed decision that led Chris away from him and towards a stranger. If he never lied about how he felt and trusted his own heart instead of the public relations bullshit he was fed, maybe this situation wouldn’t be so fucked up.

He blinks back tears and replies:

_So what are we doing here?_

_We're living the best way we know how,_ Chris responds. 

Darren sighs, figuring that if Chris has feelings for this guy, they've probably had sex. With that, an image flashes through his brain of Chris moaning a name other than Darren's as he comes and that flushed afterglow expression directed at someone other than him. He wonders if there were moments that Chris felt just as bright and blissful without him as he has when they were together. Jealousy flares through him, his fingers flying across the keys before he can stop himself:

_Are you still going to fuck him?_

_Are you going to fuck her?_ Chris answers a few minutes later.

Darren hits the button to dial Chris' number and call him instead.

 _"What?"_ Chris says sharply in lieu of a greeting.

"I can’t believe you would even ask me that after last night."

_"I can’t believe you’d ask me either, Darren, but hey, you said it first."_

"Yeah, because I’m an asshole and I can’t stand that I put us here. You like the guy and--"

 _"Yeah, but I love_ you, _you idiot. Remember?"_

He recalls falling into Chris' strong arms in the shower that morning, his whole body weightless and free now that he admitted the truth and Chris was his again, totally and completely.

But the weight only returned when he had to put the facade back on in public.

He didn't have much of a choice though, bound to contracts that have forced him to hide any sort of behavior that would be considered immoral or wrong by his employers, such as getting drunk off his ass, high on drugs, or being with a man in a context other than friendship. If he went against these obligations, he'd be sued, which would destroy his reputation and his bank account. No high-profile studio or record company would ever want to work with him again and he would be broke as fuck. He couldn't risk that.

"I'm trying to remember that, baby," Darren finally returns, "but I still have a lot of shit to work out. Whatever happens, promise me that you'll wait for me."

 _"I will. I don't think I could give up now."_

"Thank you." Darren takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. "I--I'm sorry."

 _"Me too."_ Chris exhales harshly, sounding just as tired as Darren feels.

He debates whether or not he's made the right decision opening up his heart to Chris if it's going to break them both even more. Yet he tried living without Chris and that had torn him apart too. Either way, they're literally worlds away from each other, tied together by these fragile heartstrings that could snap at any moment. If Darren doesn't hold on tight, Chris could be gone again.

"Chris?"

_"Yeah?"_

"I love you too."

_"I know, Dare. I know what I said before but if you get lonely, it's okay. I'll try to understand. I mean, she's beautiful and--"_

"Stop. I don't want anyone else. Been there, done that, baby." He remembers fumbled encounters with her and others, men and women alike, mere imitations of what he felt when he was with Chris. "I never want to do that again, okay?"

_"I don't either, but I have stuff to work out too. Like I said, it's complicated."_

"This is a mess. My mess. I wish we could clean it up."

_"Exactly. We. It's our mess now. We're gonna be in this together, for better or for worse. We've damaged each other and we're repairing it. We've been through the worst."_

Darren's heart sores at Chris' optimism; it really could get worse but with Chris by his side, he thinks that maybe he could face it.

"We're really doin' this, aren't we, Chris?"

 _"Yeah, we are. Wow."_ There's a brief pause before Chris says, _"Darren?"_

"Yeah?"

_"Stay safe."_

Darren isn't sure what that means at this point but he assures Chris that he will.

After their goodbyes, Darren drops his phone and prepares for the rest of his day, somewhat okay with the situation. He'll come clean eventually.

Until then, he'll have to keep up the show.

\----

The show doesn’t stop a few days later when he has to dress up for the film festival and parade in front of cameras like his heart isn’t halfway across the world. At least he isn't in a stuffy suit and he's going solo, though he's pretty sure the girl is somewhere around. He resists the urge to roll his eyes and instead accepts that he's in a picturesque country on a beautiful day where there's not a cloud in the sky. Even if he's constantly blinking against the rays of the sun whether or not he's wearing sunglasses, he realizes that there are worse problems in the world.

He poses for a short while and canoodles with various film people, trying to practice his Italian though most of them speak English well enough. He's having so much fun that he almost forgets all the drama back in the States, until the very last question of the panel where a fan asks him about his views on love and the iconic television couple to which he belonged.

He immediately recalls staring into Chris' clear blue eyes on set, Blaine's innocent love filling his heart; it was so effortless that it barely felt like acting. Whenever the camera cut, he was left wondering whether he was a boy in a small town developing a relationship with his friend or a man colliding head first with the other half of his soul.

Packing away his own emotions, he gives the answer about the melodramatic nature of Glee and how Kurt and Blaine were fit to have their happy ending.

He doesn't discount the girl who asked and says that she can interpret love however she wants but that it isn't always perfect like that; sometimes the timing sucks and there isn't a bow wrapped around every circumstance. Kurt and Blaine could have been just as content without that because they're two people who love each other.

"What more could you ask for?" Darren remarks rhetorically at the end, choking up a little.

Then he thinks of his situation with Chris and if their love really can be enough to make it through the trying times.

Chris' words ring in his head:

_"We're gonna be in this together, for better or for worse."_

He holds onto that for the rest of the day and will keep holding onto it for as long as he needs to survive this hell.

He has Chris and that's all that matters.

\----

It's late when he finally reaches his hotel at the end of the day but he can't resist texting Chris to ask where he is and if he's free.

As Darren undresses, he hears his phone ding with a notification.

_Give me twenty minutes._

Darren sits on his very plush mattress and waits. Twenty minutes pass and Chris still doesn't answer so Darren quickly showers. By the time he comes out still wrapped in a towel, Chris texts again.

_Sorry. Took longer than expected. If you wanna talk, I'm available._

Darren clicks on Chris' number and Chris picks up immediately.

"I wanna be with you," Darren blurts out before Chris can even speak. "I don't care what the fuck it costs me. I wanna love you for the rest of my life."

There's a whoosh of air on the other end of the line and then Chris quietly answers, _"O-okay."_

"I'm not afraid of my feelings anymore, Chris," he adds. "I'm only afraid of how to explain it to everyone else."

_"I want to be with you too. That's all I've wanted from you, Dare, but don't be rash about this. Do it when the time is right."_

"But if I wait too long--"

 _"It's been three years. What's a little longer?"_ Chris chuckles.

"Wow. When did you become so optimistic?"

_"When I realized that the one I wanted actually wanted me back and he was really remorseful for not telling me so sooner."_

"Is that so?" 

_"Mhmm. He also proved it in the way he kissed me and touched me,"_ Chris murmurs. _"It was pretty amazing."_

"Huh, you'd think a writer would come up with a better word than amazing to describe that orgasm I gave you." 

_"You're a writer too. You tell me, baby."_

Darren smirks although he knows Chris can't see it. "Uh, mindblowing. Astounding. Extraordinary. Otherworldly."

 _"Otherworldly, eh?"_ Chris laughs, the sweetest sound that Darren's heard all day. _"Are you an extraterrestrial or something?"_

"Come over here and find out."

Chris softly sighs. _"I want to. I want you."_

Though it's only been less than a week, Darren know it's never enough. "I want you too," Darren confesses. "I always want you."

 _"Shit."_ Chris groans. _"Is this going where I think it's going?"_

"If you're okay with it. That's your call, babe."

_"I miss you so much. Wanna touch you. I didn't get to last time."_

"Fuck. I want that too. Want you on top on me, naked and jerking me off."

 _"Yeah, I--yeah, I could do that,"_ Chris confirms.

"I'm clean. I just showered and I'm in a towel, so it wouldn't take much," Darren informs him, feeling his cock springing to life from under the material.

 _"Whoa."_ It sounds like Chris is lowering a zipper on the other end. "Tell me more."

He searches the room and luckily, the travel-sized lotion that's provided by the hotel is resting on a nightstand. "I'm gonna take it off and touch myself."

_"Yeah, and?"_

"I'm pretending it's you." He slides the towel down his hips and flicks open the cap. "Your hand is so soft and your fingers are so long. It's not the same but I'm trying."

_"Uh, Dare, I'm touching myself too. I'd grind against the crease of your thigh while I wrap my hand around the base."_

"Yess," Darren moans, rubbing lotion into his palm and messily stroking.

_"Then I'd swipe my thumb over the head and linger there for a few moments so I can feel you leaking out onto my fingers."_

Darren jerks himself a couple more times and when he does what Chris says, there's precome dripping out.

"Mmm, baby. So good," he encourages, hearing a bottle twist open.

_"Ahh, and then I'd go back down, tracing my thumb over your balls. Maybe I'd circle around the rim because it's been too long and I want to touch you everywhere. I want to remember what it feels like."_

"Me too." Darren sighs, his own fingers trailing down to his asshole but careful not to touch inside. "Want you inside me."

 _"Really?"_ Chris questions. _"It's been a long time."_

"Exactly. One year and about twenty two days, but hey, who's counting?" His fist glides back up smoothly and he grunts out Chris' name.

_"You remember the exact date? Ohh, unhh."_

"Yeah, it was right before I left you for some stupid Fourth of July party, which wasn't even-- _ohh,"_ He pauses, his release building up as he keeps stroking. "Fuck, it wasn't even that good, not without you. Not compared to--God!"

_"Compared to when I fucked you?"_

"Yeah."

_"So, um, ohh, we'll do that when I see you again, okay?"_

"'Kay," is all Darren can answer as he pictures Chris opening him up with care and then looking into his eyes as he enters him.

_"Gonna bury myself in you. You take it so well. Always so fucking tight."_

"Yeah, yeah. Oh God, Chris, fuck me."

_"I'm going to, baby. With my fingers and my cock until you're screaming my name and everyone knows who you belong to."_

"You, Chris, you. I'm yours. Yours," he exclaims, spilling over his fist.

He falls back against his fluffy pillows, catching his breath just in time to hear Chris crying out and admitting under his breath, _"'M yours too."_

Darren grins and looks up at the ceiling, imagining a satisfied Chris warm and heavy on top him. "Ugh, I wish I could kiss you right now."

_"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Me too. Sorry, I'm just coming back to life after that."_

Darren laughs out loud. "After that otherworldly experience?"

 _"Yeah."_ Chris goes silent and Darren hears nothing but their breathing and the air conditioning vent until Chris speaks again. _"I miss you."_

"Miss you too. So much, baby."

He presses his palm to his chest, wishing he felt Chris' heart beating alongside his own. Maybe, somewhere in the world, it is and soon they'll be together again. Then Darren will hear and see Chris and no longer doubt himself or their love.

For now he'll settle on words, fantasies and the knowledge that Chris isn't leaving him, no matter how far away they are from each other. His other half is out there, walking around without him, but somehow he's still whole, and that's enough.


End file.
